Crazy life

Of course, this is not about anything crazy in my life, as I already have more than enough, and it might be too boring for you to read my story again actually. I sure don't want to scare off half of my potential readers by bringing more and more of my pathetic stories of my little life. Instead, what I'm trying to say in this post is it is okay to live crazily once in a while.

Life is short, and I don't have to explain about that, so why are we restraining ourselves from expressing who we really are? Sometimes, why don't we try to shout like hell when we're stressed; run through streets when we're happy; tell somebody I like you when we have the feeling; eat a whole bucket of fried chicken when we're hungry; skip some classes when we're tired; or just buy anything we like without thinking of the price? Of course I'm not saying we should do this everyday, or that will be really crazy, but releasing your true self just for some times, it wouldn't hurt. Just like what William Wallace said, every man dies, not every man really lives (quotes of the week). We are going to die someday, and if we can't do something to tell people who we are, what's the point of living? Worse is, we cannot even define who we are ourselves! So, go crazy once in a while, and reminisce some of your wacky parts of life and laugh for what you have done, and discover who you really are.

Living in a shell

Ever felt depressed that you even feel like you're worthless? Or just not better than anyone else? Or maybe have never done something good enough? Well, I've been through that a lot, and I can write four rolls of story about my depression and not mentioning the positive side, that's who I am if you want to know me, always the negative thinker. But, it doesn't mean I'm all black. There are still some bright sides of me that keep shining once a while. Okay, time to turn back to my topic.

It's been over a month I stay in my college, studying, going online, chatting, worrying about tests... So so ordinary, and boring. That's when the negative thinking comes in, cause there are still too many spaces in the brain are not being stimulated and they just won't go rusting like what other people say. Guess I have a good brain, then. Nobody wants to be just somebody, at least not at my age, and we all want to achieve something. We tried, we failed, and we tried again, and we failed again, and it goes on and on. It's that simple, but there are something called emotion that keeps things complicated. When we try, we expect something in return, and sometimes the hopes can be so high that we never think of failure. When we fail ( according to the process, if you succeed in just one try, then congrats), we are crushed that deep, that we never feel like trying again. Of course, some people have the strength to come up and try again, and of course, to be crushed again, till you feel like the all the energy and courage are being drained up dry, and you would never want to do it again. I believe I'm not the only one to go through this, many others do, and maybe a lot of people just haven't been crushed enough to give up, just yet. If you're like me, the one who is thinking of giving up, then my friend, at the end of the day, we're just another 'somebody'.

Beauty of the nature

Went to the beach today. This is the first time since I don't remember how long have I not been to any beaches. Been entrapped in the city for too long. This photo is the one I took when I saw the scene, I don't know what you think about it but I find it striking... doesn't sound right but couldn't find the word to describe the beauty of the beach. One thing for sure, the sea always is the right place to soothe your mind after a long strain in life. The second is the one I took from the mangrove swamp, can't wait to share with somebody, cause I just like it so so much. Hope to hear your feedback. (I'm not a professional so please don't pick on my photography skills...)

Tell me how?

There is a reason why some people prefer to do things alone, including staying alone, or at least have a room of their own. That's because if you have a partner, they could be annoying! Oh, I was talking about me.
Yes, this is another post of my annoying roommate, who can't seem to be bored making my life miserable (guess it's fun doing that, mentally torturing somebody...). As a civilized and educated modern citizen (me), I should be patient and bear with it. But the fact is, that won't work, and trust me, don't be soft against those who goes between your way, or you'll be the one writing this. We have to accept the fact that there are something we cannot make a change about, including teaching monkeys not to scream like a monkey. So, being desperately needing to get some rest, I stoned my emotion and talk to him to make him and his friends to keep their voices down at midnight. The reason? It's midnight! And there's somebody who needs to sleep! That was two days ago, and thankfully, I slept tight that night. I thought I finally successfully talked some senses into them! Then three red crosses appear like the ones in Britain's got talent and tell me: WRONG!
That's why people tell me not to let my guard down, because the so call 'sense' lasted for only a day, or more aptly a night. Yesterday, I woke up at 1.00 am and had to pretend sleeping when I heard four or five of them are talking and eating in the room. Oh man! Can't you guys go somewhere else and leave this poor boy alone? Seems like I need another approach to get some sleep, but how?

What fantasy does

Got this online, just thought better to have a pic

Who never has any fantasy? I myself have a lot. I used to think of being the richest and hottest bachelor in the world, the genius who gets a Phd just by writing a few amazing thesis, or being a sorcerer who conjures fire and water out of will (this is the result of playing too many computer games, so don't let your children play any if you don't want them to turn out like me), and sometimes I even have sex fantasy at night. Don't worry, I'm not going to write about sex fantasy, or maybe I should say "Sorry for disappointment, I'm not going to write about sex fantasy"?

Fantasy is important. Yes, it is. Don't judge me with this, or not yet before I finish explaining. Ever seen anyone daydreaming? Someone who has their eyes open wide but never know what happens right in front of them? Women might not understand that, but as a man, I can be sure every single man has this very frequently in their lives, unless they don't think. When I do that, I usually don't even know what I'm thinking, or sometimes, I'm fantasizing (not sure if this is the right word). It keeps me sober after that, no matter how tired I was, maybe it sorta filling my desire of becoming what I want to be, and content me with some kind of chemicals. Well, guess that's a question for biologists and psychologists.

Philosophy of happiness

My lecturer said something quite interesting today, and I personally find it profound actually. I forgot what made him say that, but he was trying to give us an example: when you see a bird on an electric cable, it might be enjoying its day or the weather, which makes it happy; but when one of you ( us ) is to be that bird, you will definitely not feel so, because you know the high voltage inside the cable can kill you anytime, even when your tiny little feet scratch out a "you don't even notice you have done so" hole. Why is that? You know what the bird doesn't.

It's true, sometimes it's better if we don't know something, but the human nature just makes it hard to do so. Maybe the God didn't know this when he created curiosity in us. In some occasion, doesn't know means doesn't care, which makes you happy too, because you don't have that much in your little mind to bug your little life. So, the conclusion is, to be happy is simple, that is, to be simple. Got that? Well, I don't, even I'm the one to say that. I just can't give up what I have to be simple. Yeah, that's human.

The concept of time

Think about this, how will you live your life if a day has only 20 hours? Will you do less, or choose to do things faster? In any case, how will you live your life if a day has 30 hours? Will you do more, or choose to do things slower? I believe in whichever way, I'll do things fast and more, that's how important time is to me. Of course, this is only my opinion, not for everyone, so if you choose to do things slower and less for a good reason, please stop reading this post.

Since my first day in university, or college for some, I observed a lot of behaviour, which in this post I'm talking about how people use their time. Take this as an example, if I have an hour before the next class, I will probably take some time checking my mailbox or any updates of news. Otherwise, I'll try to finish my reader digest before the end of the month, and account five minutes of the hour to walk to lecture halls. It seems is supposed to be so to me, but not some others. They don't take the hour doing something. Some of them will just wait outside the lecture hall staring at the wall for an hour, and some of them will talk talk talk and talk whenever they have the time ( I'm not saying chit-chatting isn't good, but why should we talk more than actually doing something?) The others, on the other hand, took a lot more time to walk to the halls, even though it is not supposed to be that long. Seriously, do you have to take a look around you every five seconds when you can be sure that the buildings look exactly the same? What a total waste of time!

Sure, we may as well enjoy our life to the fullest, but still, the pace of life should be fast, and this is the way to live our life to the fullest. What is the point of slowing down when you never walk fast? So, think about this again: how will you live your life if a day has only 20 hours? If a day has 30 hours?

Happy

I admit I've been whining about my place a little bit too much, my room, my lecturers, my meals and pretty much everything. So, let's bring out some happy moments today, and probably you can tell from the title. I was hesitating about the title actually, when I was writing this post, cause the first thing that came to my mind about 'happy' was one of my favourite songs by leona lewis, of the same title. The song was great, but it was a song about something of the other way round. In fact, being happy and wanting to be happy are totally different, aren't they? Okay, let's cut the crap.

The first thing, oh yeah, Julian Smith. I actually had no idea who he is until yesterday when I was reading another blog. The blog writer seems to be a huge fan of him and posted one of his video. He is a comedian, and a very good one. I haven't been laughing so ungracefully for quite a long time since I got here, but he drove all my tension away. Honestly, can't stand not laughing listening to him, so I thought why not share this to everybody who reads my blog? Of course, I have to give this credit to that blog writer. Click on the link
Julian Smith - 25 things i hate about facebook

Besides that, there's another story in my random life I wanted to share about. It was a lecture about mathematics ( I'll just call it mathematics or the major wouldn't understand it...), when the lecturer was hoping for some of our responses on his topic after talking about all the highly not comprehensible symbols and equations, only a couple of the heads nodded slightly, while the rest was spinning with no direction. Suddenly, one of us, a guy, or I think he is, said yes. And naturally, the lecturer heard it but didn't know who it was, because there are too many of us. However, he seems to feel good for one of us actually understood him, so he said something out of formality and the last sentence was :" I don't know who it was, but I can be sure it was a she." Judging from the innocent face of his, I bet he wasn't joking. HE ACTUALLY THOUGHT HE WAS A SHE! Well, I can't blame him for that, cause the voice of that student was nothing like a guy's. But that 'guy', I don't know what he felt for that, cause I was smirking and didn't look at his face. Yes, I was smirking. I'm bad, I know, and I'm admitting that......lol

Please let me sleep, I'm begging you!!!

My life has been quite stable here now. Breakfast, then I'll go to my lectures, after having my lunch, I'll usually be heading to library and spend the rest of the day until evening if I don't have anymore classes to attend to. This has been fine except what happens after that. I believe this is not the first time I talk about my residential college, and it sure will not be the last. After a long day out, I will appreciate a lot to have a peaceful and quite night with my laptop, or maybe spending more time studying alone, or playing games when I lost my patience to keep my eyes sticked to the books, or even watch a couple episodes of movies or series before sleep. However, this college has never got bored ruining my beautiful plans. Almost every week, and so far it really is every week, they never stopped planning some activities for the residents in this college, and we are all 'obligated' to attend. Of course, I wouldn't complaint much if those activities are worth going for, but last week, for four days, we spent our time out of our room until half an hour before midnight, for some group games and performances, or else a talk about the week, campus life and blah blah blah... No wonder people said life in college is sometimes very busy, not because of study, but those lame activities we are forced to join. Seriously, we have a choice of sleeping early or late, in which of course the healthy choice would be early, but now we are forced to go for an unhealthy way. This is a violation of right! Or at least for me, it is. The show... oh yeah, the show... LAMEST EVER... The dances are so obviously not properly rehearsed and the choreograhies were so amateurish, even for me, somebody who had only learn dances in my childhood! A good listener is not necessary to be a good singer, isn't it? Can't believe we had to cut our sleep time short for that...

Bad things in a new week

Life is uncertain, and I'm pretty certain about that. I was just having quite some good time with my family last weekend, even though we didn't do much things, but it takes just a while to feel the warmth with them. Once I get home last friday, my mom did almost everything I needed, which is so different from the life I have in my college. She'll do my laundry, make meals when I'm hungry ( I'll have to wait for the canteen in my college for my meals, even though I'm starving ), give me some herbs to boost my concentration in class, and prepare extra cloths when I tell her it's very cold in lecture halls. My dad, instead, wouldn't let me go back to my college at night, cause taking buses at night is extremely inconvenient and dangerous, and there's no reason to go back too early when I can spend more time at home, or that's what they said. It's weird that I never think this way when I'm staying here...?
Now, when I stepped foot into my college room the day before yesterday, or maybe lair would be more appropriate, the mood was totally wiped out, and replaced by all my resentments and boredom. It wasn't that bad until the electricity went out at midnight all of a sudden, the heat and mosquitoes keeping me awake, it was terrible! Hey, I have class tomorrow morning! That wasn't the end of my disaster. It was yesterday, night, I had a muscle cramp at the middle of the night. The pain was excruciating, those who had them will understand me, and the thing is I couldn't scream because I have two roommate sleeping, and all my floor mates would probably wake up too! The feeling was...... killing me! I'm not a superstitious kind of guy, but please please please god, let me sleep tight tonight. (keep my finger crossed...)

Let's talk about food

Ok, this time, let's talk about food. I'm not a chef or anything so I'm not going on recipes or ingredients or nutrition. The best I can make might be steamboat, which everyone, even retarded ones are capable of making. But I enjoy food a lot. I love to eat with friends or family in restaurants with amazing food. And of course, in my affordable zone. However, when I'm alone, I don't feel like trying something out or go to any restaurant for meals. Instead, I would rather shove plain bread down my throat, maybe because it is not that enjoyable when you eat something and have nobody to tell about how good or how bad the food is.

Few days ago, I asked one of my friends for a movie but he turned me down yesterday, telling me that he has an appointment with his doctor. It was quite a surprise actually, and something more surprising is, he is meeting the doctor because his blood pressure was very high. It was very hard for me to define 'VERY' in his condition because he is only 20 years old. Blood pressure? I thought that's something we don't need to worry about before 50! Apparently, I was wrong. Well, what I was trying to say is that he, being only 20, has to keep his diet - fresh veges everyday, and ONLY veges. Wow, luckily that didn't happen on me, or I wouldn't know what I can do, cause I'll die if I was told I cannot step foot into fast food restaurant anymore!

Endless complaints......

First week of lecture, the week of transition, one word to summarize, TIRING!!! There are too many new concepts to instill into my little mind( I think I've repeated this before...). The extremely confusing timetable, which I have to spend hours and hours to figure out the best time for each classes so that I can empty out my friday, and at the same time making sure that there will be no overlapping of time, which is quite brain squeezing.

The ginormous( heard it somewhere, though I don't remember where, which means gigantic + enormous) campus of UM is too, wearing out my bones. There are rarely any maps to refer to, even if you are lucky enough to find one, it'll take more than lucky to figure out what the map says. So, I basically have to walk around the campus everyday to find out my classroom. The good thing is, I have a lot of exercises everyday; the bad thing is, I HATE BEING SWEATY AND STICKY!

And oh, those are just appetizers for the torturous week. It seems like all the lecturers are aware of the fact that we are sleepy all the day. In fact, how can we not be when we have to wear ourselves out and then get a taste of cooling sensation in lecture halls. It sounds sweet, to have such a comfortable condition after a long walk. But try to think when you are about to take a nap, or more aptly when you can't stop but to drop your eye lids, the lecturer just keeps waking you up, although in a gentle way( I can't be sure they will still be gentle next week, cause one of them actually said she'll throw us something if we don't listen to her...). If you can't imagine how painful that is, let me tell you, IT IS EXCRUCIATING! The best we can do is, keep our sight at the bottom half, of course, the upper half will be covered... come to think about it, sleepy eyes are supposed to be sexy, aren't they? Didn't know it actually takes a lot to be 'sexy'!

New species of monkeys

Honestly, my mind actually went blank when I was thinking of writing this post. It wasn't because I had nothing to talk about, but it was actually too much, I don't even know where to start. All the disappointments, confusions, anticipations came jamming the little brain of mine. I should probably tell out only a few of the things, or this post will be ten pages long...

The hostel, shouldn't be this tiny, and I use the word tiny because it is ridiculously TINY! To be more exact, it is about the size of my bathroom, with only a wardrobe, a double-decker bed, side table and a reading table. And the rest of the space will not be enough for me to stretch my hands. or I'll knock something down, and I'll have to pay for that. I can't even imagine how a 6 feet guy with medium size can fit into the room, lucky that I'm short!

Next, the students, yeah, the students. Students are supposed to be educated, polite, respectful, not someone who jump around and yell like a monkey! By the way, that wasn't exaggerating. Once all the freshmen were gathered in the main hall for end-of-orientation performance, all the students were screaming their lungs out, and I swear I felt the tumbling of the floor. Not only I couldn't hear the singings, the shrill kept going on and on even though the emcee has told them to control themselves, if those are not monkeys, then tell me what they are.

In UM, we are taught to do cheers, exactly those cheerleaders do, for our college. It was sometimes quite interesting and funny, especially when we were daring other colleges. But the problem was, the students went out of control easily, and this affected the speaker on the stage, and that, is being rude. I'm sure I would've ran out of the hall if I could!

A little lost sheep, if I still fit into that species...

The day has finally come, mental preparation for tomorrow, registration for university, I shouldn't be too excited, nor nervous...... The real problem is, WHY AM I NOT FEELING ANY OF THESE!!! Everything just seems to be in their order, mostly because I haven't prepared much of those I should have. Pillows, books, charger, towels, cups, extension wires...... Wow, didn't know there were so many stuffs to grab, and I need to get those in just one day...? Oh ya, this is so me.

With zero butterfly in my stomach, I guess I'm just kinda lost, but still going forward even though I have totally no idea what is going to happen. Robert frost used to have two road to choose, and I guess that's a good sign, at least he had some options. Me? I don't have that kind of luxuries, I have to jump the sea if that's what in front of me!

Talking to myself

"UM, here i come!" Okay, I guess that's what I'm supposed to say now, though I don't really feel the excitement of getting into the best local university. Maybe that's what people feel when they have some friends in some way better universities than themselves, and yes, I meant myself. My own brother is in Monash University in Melbourne, one of my best friends is going for Bath University in England, and another acquaintance of mine is going to america this year, and no need for me to explain how good those places are, their world ranking speaks for themselves. It's obvious, their ranking is at least one digit less than UM's! And here's the kicker, they are all sponsored by JPA, damn the JPA! So people, stop congratulate me for getting into UM!
Besides that, the course they offered me isn't really the one I wanted, though I don't really know what I want, or need. I mean, seriously, what am I gonna do with genetic and biology molecule? I don't even know what the biology molecule stands for! I know I am not a lucky one, and I never will be, but why was I offered the last choice I've made without my own consciousness? I deserve more with my result, am I not? Even with all the mingled feelings and thoughts in my mind ( what I meant by mingled was confused + confused + confused +...), there is one thing I know for sure, I desperately need to get into a university, cause that's the only way I can be the one I wanted to be, even if that requires me to get 120 copies of document to be verified by my previous school's authority. So, au revoir, my past, and hola, my future.

Being a teacher

It's been a month and a couple of weeks since I've been a teacher in my primary school. It hadn't been easy, or rather I'll say it can never be. Kids are cute, adorable, but when it comes to educating them, you need to be really serious to them, especially when you have to face about forty kids at once, which only makes it harder. They are still too young to understand the importance of education, so its just simply useless to tell them why are they studying. Hence, in order to keep them under control, you know, kids, that canes come in. Of course, I've resorted the milder way, but it didn't turn out fruitful, and to be efficient in finishing the course, I too, had become one of those who turned to using cane.

I don't really thought I would be using it so frequently, but sometimes I just have to, against those more than just mischievous kids. However, myths do happen. Some of my co-workers just doesn't seem to need to punish to make the kids listen to them, maybe the aura around them are scary enough. But whichever way it is, it does take quite a lot of skills to be a teacher, because mere patience isn't enough to change somebody, or you might not live long enough to see it. There are a lot of fun in teaching kids, but don't ever think of doing it just because its a job, do it only for the sake of those kids, and that, is a truth for a good teacher.

when you're bored, go hit on something really really hard

It was just another day watching movie with some of my friends in a cinema in a shopping mall. The movie was great, but it won't be enough to kill all of my boredom after being kept in my house for weeks. Then, we went to play arcade games in that shopping mall. I knew that place very well, but never really thought of trying those games cause I always thought that those games are for kids( though they actually are). Those games were simple, as it should be for kids, like cycling, riding a machine horse, throwing balls at a video screen to hit objects that appear, hitting crocodiles that came out... The secret to gain the most fun when you're playing such games is-play them as crazy as you can! When you hit something that wouldn't break( you won't have the guilt), all the stress and formalities are gone, in a second. Most of all, it costs only one buck! Afterall, happiness is cheap!

The coming embarrassment

Ok, here's the story. Days ago, I got a letter from my high school for an annual gifting day for those who aced their exam last year. As an alumni, I am supposed to go and I did feel like going because they (the school) could be giving away cash instead of ordinary souvenirs. However, I had my driving lessons that day, and it can't be postponed unless I agree to pay for the management fee, which I definitely won't. Furthermore, I couldn't find anyone to represent me in that occasion, cause almost none of my friends is going to attend the ceremony. So, what can I do? To keep myself away from any troubles, I chose not to go, even if I have to forget about the envelope, the one with money in it.

The story didn't go as I planned, when my mom found out that I chose easy over money, what a realistic family, I know...... I do love money, but sometimes I just don't care about it when it takes a lot of effort to attain it. Whatever, the problem now is that my father is asking me to go back to my school to ask for my share, even though I've told him that is remotely possible. I can't even imagine how embarrassing that can be!!!

The vague roads...

It's been months since my graduation from high school. It has never felt good, cause I'm still waiting for replies from the universities I've applied for. Maybe there isn't one for me, and yet I have to wait for at least another month to know it. My application might fail, and I'm very well aware of that, cause it happened a lot to me, no matter how assured I was. This time, I won't tell myself what I deserve, so that I won't have a reason to be disappointed.

People have dreams, and we are trying to achieve what we dream for. The thing that define us into two kinds is, some people are very clear about what they dream for, but others don't. I'm one of the later kind. I'll have totally no idea what can I do if I'm rejected this time, for this time the roads seem so vague to me, as it has never been there. This is the first time, in my whole life, that if I fail this, I cannot move on.